The day I Decided to Quit Killing Myself

Which means this story starts about 38 years ago when i was just a young boy. My parents were seventies kids and they grew up in a time where smoking was normal and socially accepted. Everyone smoked cigarettes and you could smoke anywhere you went the grocery store, the restaurant where you’re eating dinner, work and even the doctor’s office. Bejesus even the physician was probably smoking in the visit with you.

Now I was about 5 or 6 yoa and my parents smoked cigarettes around me and I disliked it. I recently could not stand the smell of the smoke and I disliked smelling like smoke all the time. I would gripe and moan begging them to stop telling them it was quik 5000 nasty and making me sick and of course they would respond with the normal parental response of “quit your bitching”. From the one time I was still really young but I had gotten into my single parent’s purse and decided I would make her quit. So i grabbed her pack of “Marlboros” and I would show her and I used them in the bathroom and just left them sailing there. Well my mom found them like that and she was flabergasted at me. I probably got called every name in the book but at the end of computer all she calmed down and talked to me about it. She said “it really disturbs you that bad huh? inch Well I recently informed her that it was gross and odiferous and didn’t like going to school and smelling like smoke all day. She agreed it was a nasty habit and that she would try to quit. Well of course like many people who “try to quit” it didn’t really work. A couple of months following this event my mom found out that she was pregnant with what I was sure was my little brother and when she found out she was pregnant she looked at me and said “I will grant you your wish” and she never smoked cigarettes again. Following my single parent’s lead Mt dad even decided to quit smoking and to this day they have never smoked cigarettes again.

Fast forward about 10 years. I was about 15 or so and I knew by this point I had an enslaving personality even if I didn’t know what that was at the time I knew that we offered help to over take pleasure in anything I found enjoyable. One day I was riding my bike along a highway(small town highway) and I found a pack of tobacco that have to have accidentally been dropped. by someone. I picked them up even though I had never had any interest in smoking I thought I was cool with them in my pocket. You might be thinking to yourself that must be when he started smoking but you would be wrong. I kept that pack of tobacco hidden in my room for months and every once in a while I would get them out and look at them and smell them and even work like I was smoking but I knew better than to ever actually light one up because I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop once I started and remember all those years ago how nasty my parents smelled because of them.

Years went by and I ignored the urge to join all my friends and all the “cool kids” and start smoking. I worked in restaurants where people smoked cigarettes and took cigarette breaks while I was left working but I repudiated to smoke so i would take air breaks 5 minute breaks where I would walk away like everyone else but but I wouldn’t smoke I would just stand there and breathe. One day I guess I was about 19 to 19 years old I was coming back from a trip to Louisville KY with a friend and he was smoking and I said also to bejesus with it My goal is to try one and just see what all the hype was about. From that first hit of these cigarette. Marlboro Menthol Lights I was connected. My nerves appeared to calm and I was relaxed and just felt satisfaction.

So for the next 16 years I was a passionate smoker. Smoking anywhere from 1 pack to 2 packages daily. I needed my tobacco even choosing to smoke over-eating at times because I couldn’t afford to buy both food and tobacco.

I got married about a year and a half ago and my wife is a non-smoker now she doesn’t really gripe at me about smoking and she’s always helped facilitate my own hard. Recently however she had initiated to get frusterated with my smoking worried that it would cost me a young life so she’s been asking me to give up and grumping at me about it every chance she gets.

Six months ago I decided she was right I was paying 6-7 dollars a day just to KILL myself and I had to create a change. I knew I was never going to be able to just quit cold turkey so i started doing some investigating online. I found all kinds of advise on what to give up and what all these other people had tried, gums and lozenges, patches and a hypnotic approach. After a number of failed attempts I come across Vaping. I ran across a website that laughed and said all about this new alternative to smoking called Vaping where people had these gadgets that took this juice and when you hit them you blew out these large confuses of watery vapor. I read a lot about the products and the benefits and the pitfalls. Some will say it’s worse than smoking some will say it isn’t as bad but it’s still horrible. After all my research I’ve found that overall vaping is far healthier than tobacco. Tabacco is sprayed with tons of cancerous carcinogens and arsonic along with a many other lethal chemicals and then thrown into a cigarette and lit on fire. That just sounds horrible already.

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